As I mentioned yesterday, my girlfriend Sissy received a revelation that I've been anointed to preach prosperity to those in need.
I'm already discovering that being anointed isn't easy, as there's a lot to do before one can help the downtrodden. This morning I paid first month's rent on my new church building - a pre-spirit-filled former Pentecostal model (they build the best churches) located in the hood next to a burned-out convenience store that still draws pretty good traffic.
With location in hand, I've been concentrating on the proper look, because as I always say, you've got to dress to impress and that means more than clothes alone. I need to show my congregants (inside church term) what their lives can look like when they quit sinning and start winning. Can I get an amen? Alright now.
One of the key tools for leading people out of poverty by impressing them is, of course, a fly car. Sinners have got to see what could be when giving sets you free. Does anyone hear me or am I just talkin' to myself? Alright now. Unfortunately, my hell-bound local Bentley dealership whom I won't name (Scottsdale Bentley) declined to lease/rent me a car, even after I told them I'm the Reverand Bishop of an inner city church. After praying that their dealership gets hit by an asteroid, I told defeat to hit the street, because the devil can't hold me down when my will to succeed is unbound, Lord have mercy.
Fortunately, Craigslist blessed me with the next best thing to a new Bentley - a barely pre-owned, extremely fly Oldsmobile Cutlass Cierra with a custom Yves Saint Laurent paint job (below). Sissy's panties dropped to the floor the first time she saw it, and I just know my congregation will react the same way, praise God. I parked it in front of the church to create a buzz.
We've got to buy some bronzer and a new wardrobe for me, so I'll have to continue this later. God bless.