They say that the biggest sources of friction in a relationship are sex, money, politics, and religion. My girlfriend Sissy and I are fortunate that three of the four don't effect ours:
Sex: Outside of the shop-vac thing, we really don't have any, mainly due to Sissy's fungus situation and my fear of germs.
Money: We don't have any.
Religion: Sissy's a lapsed Methodist and I'm a Shriner - no conflict.
That leaves politics. Up until yesterday, I thought we were in agreement that we both want Donald Trump to be elected president especially since he gave Sissy that new car for the numerous logical reasons I've presented earlier. Then, last night while watching a news story about Hillary Clinton, I made an innocent comment about Hillary that may or may not have involved donkeys and the next thing I know, Sissy's all upset and defending her. Incredibly, Sissy now says she wants Hillary to be president:
Sissy: Hillary's as qualified as any man to be president. Even more.
Me: Outside of the fact she probably resembles Dwight Eisenhower about now, what's her qualifications?
Sissy: She brought peace to the Middle East.
Me: No she didn't.
Sissy: She promoted healthy eating and exercise.
Me: That's Mooch.
Sissy: She gave women the right to vote.
Me: You're thinking of Ladybird Johnson.
Sissy: Well, how about because she's a woman like me? That's why, dickhead - she's like me.
Me: Okay, I'm pretty sure she's more intelligent than a Collie and if I were a betting man, I'd wager she weighs less than a garden tractor and doesn't have fungus.
Sissy: Oh God, I hate you! I hate you and your whole family! (tears)
So there you have it. That was the first fight we've ever had that was so bad we're not even sharing the same bed now. I may not understand Sissy's deluded kinship with Cankles, but I do know she better not sleep in the same spot every night or she's going to kill the grass.