Everyone's been hitting me up for discount auto treatments since I wrote bout my excellent new job in the Automotive spa industry. Unfortunately, for a number of personal and professional reasons, I recently felt compelled to step down from that position. Like many famous celebrities, my rise to the top was so quick that I had a hard time adjusting to the success. I started at the bottom, drying vehicles as they exited the spa, and in no time had attained the pinnacle of success, managing the prestigious TVLP Division* and its workforce, Maria Sanchez. It was too much, too soon.
Within weeks, the demands of the industry and my position were soon taking a toll on me physically as well as mentally. The long hours and stress left me exhausted, and the fabulous tips made it easy for me to succumb to substance abuse. Before long, I was doing five and sometimes six "Five Hour Energy" drinks in an eight-hour day, subjecting my body to nearly three times the daily amount of energy. The fame and drugs led me into a downward spiral of immoral behavior, such as inappropriately rubbing up against Maria during steamy IP (Interior Protectant) sessions that sometimes lasted minutes. I was flying high. Too high.
Then, my whole world came crashing down. Last Thursday after work Sissy caught a glimpse of me preparing to shower. Her steely gaze at my crotch area preceded the following exchange:
Sissy: Why are you so shiny and where did the wrinkles go?
Sissy: You're so smooth and glossy.
Sissy: Have you been Armor Alling yourself?
Sissy: Did Maria do that?
Sissy: That slut, Maria Sanchez.
Me: It was an accident - she thought I was an armrest...
Sissy: You have no idea how much I hate you.
Me: What's for dinner?
Needless to say, I was forced to resign my position the next day. Sometimes the price of success is more than we're willing to pay. Next time, I'm going to pace myself.
*Tire, Vinyl, Leather Protectant