As many of you know, I have become somewhat of a real estate whiz since attending that free seminar last month. I've been watching Craigslist and the newspaper locally for a prime location, dramatically undervalued house that I could buy and flip ('flip' is inside real estate jargon for buying low, replacing the carpet and watering the grass then selling for a humongous profit), but have had no luck.
Then, while watching TV last week, it hit me like a fart in an Asian buffet: Ferguson.
Of course, I'm referring to Ferguson, Missouri where property values have been on a rocket sled to Hell ever since Unarmed Gentle Gianttm Mike Brown was gunned down for no reason by the cop he was attempting to kill. The next day I was in St. Louis where I was picked up by Realtor Harvey "Harvey sells St. Louis" Feldstein.
Over the next four hours, I not only picked up part of a house ($135) but also an ex-nail salon ($25 and a case of beer), a former shoe store ($100 and my Seiko watch), and a mobile phone store (they paid me $500) in downtown Ferguson. I would have bought more, but Harvey called it a day after we were savagely beaten and robbed by a mob of racially persecuted, economically disadvantaged local youths.
Anyway, the good news is I now have a bunch of properties to flip. The bad news is (a) they're in Ferguson, Missouri, and (b) they're owned by a white guy (me). If anyone knows any nice black people in the St. Louis area who can lay carpet, please contact me at scooterbuyshouses@gmail.com.
Click, retard
