As many of you know, Sissy was pretty much my entire staff at World News Bureau, Big Hairy News, and Newsnasty so this sudden attitude she's copped has rendered her all but unfit for employment. Also, the FBI told me they might release my domains if they knew president-killer Sissy wasn't around attempting to implement her depraved vendetta against the First Family, so I immediately fired her ass and set out to find a replacement.
Because the position of office assistant is so critical to my business, I went upstairs for help by diligently fasting and praying for divine guidance in finding the perfect candidate. In what can only be described as a miracle from Heaven, less than an hour later I was at the Jungle Club listening to a talented young entertainer named Shaquandra Jackson relate her dream of someday being a professional office worker(!) I hired her on the spot.
You'd never know Shaquandra's never worked in an office. Within only a couple hours, I had taught her how to operate the Keurig coffee machine, manipulate a three ring binder, make a perfect margarita, operate a stapler, and give a professional hot oil massage without using her hands. While she may be unable to operate a computer or copy machine, her other considerable talents more than compensate.
Shaquandra is exactly what I need right now, praise God.
PS: I cannot wait to introduce her to Sissy.