Race War

Okay, like the night before, last night was a rough one - the racial tension in this house was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Dinner was normal enough if you call having a large protester wave signs in your face and shouting "black lives matter" over and over while you're trying to eat your tacos. At one point, Mr. Jangles and his stupid scrub pad afro invaded my space and we got into a brief shoving match that threatened to turn into a full-fledged race riot. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed when he turned his attention to licking his butt.

After dinner, my attempt to watch TV was thwarted by protesters running amok in the back bedroom, yelling, messing up the bed, and looting the closet. When I told Sissy to leave my stuff alone, she started pelting me with shoes. While this was happening, I noticed Mr. Jangles running down the hall with my brand new golf glove. Damn! I started to give chase when I smelled the smoke. Yep, the protesters had set fire to my sock drawer (again).

It rapidly became apparent that I was hopelessly outnumbered, so I called the police. After arriving, they moved decisively to grab Sissy, who was pelting us all with Rollos. When they finally got her down, she was screaming about police brutality and threatening to call Al Sharpton. One of the cops asked her why Al  Sharpton and when she informed them that she was black, everything changed. The cops let her go, then took up a defensive position in the living room, where they observed Sissy looting the kitchen and making off again with the TV and stereo. Worthless. I finally couldn't take any more of this crap so I went to a motel.

What the hell's happened to our country when racist thugs are given carte blanche to loot and burn our property just because of the color of their skin? I, for one, and absolutely fed up - I'm not giving Sissy any more money, healthcare, food, or phones until she stops stealing and destroying my stuff. I mean it.