Fish

It seems like lately my girlfriend Sissy and I have been arguing a lot. Last night it was about fish, of all things:

Sissy: We really should eat more fish.

Me: I'll start eating fish when they stop smelling like your gym shorts.

Sissy: Oh, that's nice.

Sissy: You know why fish live longer than many land animals?

Me: I don't care.

Sissy: Because they eat fish.

Me: Uh, I'm not even a scientist and I know that's not true.

Sissy: It is so.

Me: It's because they're more hydrated.

Sissy: What?

Me: Hydrated. It's the water.

Sissy: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

Me: Maybe you should tell Michelle Obama she's stupid, then.

Sissy: She's talking about children, not fish.

Me: I'm pretty sure she's referring to all living things, Einstein.

Sissy: Okay, I'm done.

Me: Don't get mad.

Me: Hey look, a trouser trout! (Gestures)

Sissy: You're a pig. I hate you.

Me: Oh, go eat a school of dolphins.

Sissy: Bastard! (throws box of Goldfish, cries)

Anyway, Sissy locked herself in the bathroom for over an hour until I apologized and promised to take her to Long John Silvers at least three times a week. If she's right, we should both easily live to a hundred.