Augmation

It's interesting that Bruce Jenner is in the news today, as my girlfriend Sissy was just getting over her insecurities raised by the last piece I did about him.

The whole thing started when I did a story on Bruce's trangenderfication and innocently mentioned what a great set of hooters he had. Something most of you probably don't know is that despite her athletic build, Sissy is somewhat insecure about her own breasteses. Like some women, there is a certain lack of symmetry going on there, with one being yam-like and pointing to San Diego, while the other is more like a Texas-bound zucchini that's been run over by a golf cart.

Anyway, Sissy's insecurity prompted her to go see a Puerto Rican plastic surgeon she found on Craigslist, who told her all she needed was a simple breast "augmation." Unfortunately, it ended up being a classic bait-and-switch deal with the final price being hundreds more than the advertised $250 two-for-one special. Besides that, the examination photos Dr. Filiberto took ended up on the internet the next day - a warning sign in my opinion.

I honestly don't know what the world's coming to when some guy like Bruce Jenner has a better balcony than my own girlfriend. I wish I could help Sissy - God knows I'd rather look at a Pekingese eating its own poop than her topless, but having never won the Olympics, I simply don't have $400. 

Money may not buy happiness, but it sure can buy some nice boobage - for Sissy and me, that would be close enough.