A Cry For Help

My girlfriend Sissy's little sister, Spud (I don't think that's her real name). has been acting a little strange lately. As many of you know, Spud is mildly retarded developmentally challenged, but not to the point where she's like an out-of-control monkey or anything like that. She acts like any normal person who's been struck by lightning or maybe hit on the head with a falling sandbag, and looks pretty normal, although her hairdo is definitely retarded.

Anyway, we had Spud over Saturday to do some odd jobs like removing a bunch of mold in the shower and the monthly cleaning Mr. Jangle's litter box. Although it took her over three hours to do what should have been a two-hour job, she did okay on the mold, but later I noticed Spud using her hands in the cat box instead of the little plastic rake thing. I lectured her on how the oils on her hands will leave a human scent on the kitty litter. This makes animals not want to have contact with it, likely prompting Mr. Jangles to poop even more often on us at night. Spud, as usual, acted like she didn't hear me so I went and told Sissy, then went to the garage to hone my technical skills.

Even in the garage with the vacuum cleaner running, I heard Sissy's yelling. I entered the house just in time to see Spud running out the front door naked with Sissy in hot pursuit. I went into the bedroom and found the obvious source of Sissy's alarm: There was kitty litter and cat poop everywhere - especially on my pillow. Even worse than that, either Mr. Jangles had a couple of double beef burritos last night, or Spud had pooped in his cat box! (The fact the poop in question wasn't buried exonerated Mr. Jangles in my opinion, as did the fact he lacks an opposing thumb, making it unlikely he was the one who wiped their butt on my favorite tee shirt nearby.

When it was all said and done, the damage Spud did was far worse than soiling a shirt or destroying a perfectly good cat box. What Spud's actions did was forever soil my perception that she's like the rest of us, only "special" - she's clearly more like an out-of-control monkey.