The Wedding Planner

Okay, so I named this article after a movie, but it wasn't just to be clever, although integrating popular movie references into titles is so clever most people never think of it. The Wedding Planner was the movie my girlfriend Sissy and me were watching the other night that gave me the inspiration for our new business.

You're probably saying, "But Scooter, you've already got a great online transgender store," and you would be correct. This new business will go hand-in-butt (insider industry joke) with that one. In the business world, it's called "cross-integration," but by the very fact you're reading this tells me you're likely not intelligent enough to understand what I just told you, but I digress.

Anyway, as I was saying, Sissy and I were watching the movie just after seeing the news report on the gay marriage thing, when I had suddenly had a major apifany epifany outstanding idea: Straight wedding planners for gay weddings! Genius!

Here's the deal, as if I really need to explain: Everyone knows that all good wedding planners are flaming rump-riders, and that no straight couple would think of having a non-homo plan their wedding as their friends would think they're either poor or have no taste. It's also common knowledge that since every homo believes he's the grand arbiter of design, dealing with another rope-smoker on issues involving style or decorating invariably leads to a spastic slap-fighting brawl where somebody gets kicked in their tiny nuts or breaks a nail - it just doesn't work. The only alternative is straight male wedding planners, of which there aren't any. Until now :)

Alright, now you're saying "But Scooter, you've never planned a wedding!" in that irritating, whiny voice common to readers of this site, and again, you would be correct. The fact I know absolutely nothing about wedding planning matters not as the twinkie playing the part of the wife is going to dictate every detail anyway - they simply can't help themselves. Just like every illegal alien is born with the ability to trim hedges, butt pirates are born to style hair and decorate. The only talent I'll need is figuring out how to communicate with the wetbacks I pick up outside of Home Depot to actually set up the chairs and stuff like that.

This gay marriage thing, like the trannie mental illness epidemic, is opening up all kinds of new opportunities for entrepanures new business people like me. I just hope I don't turn into a homo myself or catch something.