What's Really Important.

Okay, you haven't heard from me for a few months because I recently had an apiphany epifony startling realization about what's really important in life. Whether it was God sending me a message or finding out that my leading role in Star Wars - The Force Awakens only paid $4, 375.00 and didn't include any royalties, I suddenly realized that what's important in life aren't money and things, but people (with the exception of my manager, Sissy's Uncle Jude, who is a disgusting piece of shit).

Anyway, we had to move out of our tight crib in the hills, and turn in our whips (celebrity lingo for "large mansion in the Hollywood Hills" and "really nice cars"). Dr. Rosenblatt even repossessed Sissy's implants, leaving her with hanging, deflated skin balloons which appear to have rendered me incapable of having sexual relations - at least with Sissy.

The good news is that I found a great rental in the prestigious Oasis Acres Mobile Home Estates back in Phoenix and scored an almost perfect 1995 Chevrolet Corsica for only $72 a week (plus insurance). Also, my new career selling on Ebay is really taking off, although the IPhone case market is every bit as competitive as Hollywood (there should be laws prohibiting the Chinese from directly selling to Americans - this is why I'm voting for Donald Trump).

Another good thing about realizing that money doesn't buy happiness is that I got off cocaine and Sissy's already lost nearly two pounds by not eating Honey Baked Ham and Dove Bars every meal. Plus, living in a gigantic house required having hired help, and it goes without saying that being in close contact with Negros and Mexicans all day long naturally causes a tremendous amount of stress, not knowing when you might be unexpectedly knocked out or robbed. Now I lay my watch down anywhere without worry - you can't buy that for any price.

I guess the moral of this story is that God knows exactly what we need and when we trust Him, He gives us only what's good - although Sissy's hooters weren't causing anybody any harm and nobody that I know was complaining about me driving around in Bentleys and Range Rovers.

Maybe He doesn't know everything.

 

 My deflated girlfriend, Sissy