I see where Marco Rubio is entering the presidential race. Is it just me, or does seeing this guy and hearing his name conjure up images of an illegal Hispanic gang-banger robbing you in a dimly-lit parking lot? To me it does.
I don't know about you, but I want my president to have a strong, AMERICAN-sounding name - preferably single syllable so our enemies won't make fun of it.
"Trump" sounds about perfect.
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My girlfriend Sissy and I went shopping this morning and I picked up a couple baubles (below). Sissy got some stuff also that's being sized.
Life is good!
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I have people ask me all the time, "Scooter, who would you like to see running our country - a black, brown, white, or yellow individual?" My answer is always the same - in a perfect world, a combination of all colors would be ideal.
Well, this election we finally have that ideal candidate in Donald Trump. Anyone who's ever watched The Apprentice or Celebrity Apprentice recognizes Mr. Trump as having that deep, dark orange hue that speaks of representing people of all ethnicities, unlike his pasty white/tan challengers.
It's time for a leader who represents ALL of us. For me, that can only be one person - Donald Trump.
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Sometimes it's good to just get away and relax. This weekend, Sissy and I took a quick trip to New York for a little getaway. We stayed at an awesome hotel where Sissy spent her time doing room service, shopping, and hanging at the spa while I played golf at a swanky private country club. This place was so fancy, they had people that put your clubs on the cart for you, and after playing, they actually clean and dry your clubs. Oh yeah, they also gave me a new set of clubs! Pings! Woo hoo!
In my opinion, they just do things better in New York.
PS: I see Hillary Clinton finally announced she's running for president. That's exactly what this country needs - a godless, foul-mouthed liar who's greatest accomplishment is not killing her husband every time he sexually assaulted some poor woman. FU, Cankles!
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I was just thinking how a large part of my success is due to the support of my girlfriend Sissy. Not only has she encouraged me to be the very best I can be, but her rideability has kept me relaxed and better able to face the daily challenges of life.
Let's face it, a plain or unsexy wife causes tension in a marriage, which inevitably affects what happens in the office. In fact, a recent study found that small-breasted wives are the number one cause of poor job performance for men in positions of power. President Obama is probably one of the best examples of this.
I don't know about you, but for the sake of our country and all we hold dear, I want to know that my next president is relaxed and in control.
Donald Trump and wife Malaniac
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Have you ever noticed how people with the nicest hair always seem to be the smartest and most honest? Well, I sure have. I think it has to do with the fact that someone who sweats the small details can be counted on to do justice to the big ones.
Just a thought.
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I was just sitting here thinking about the incredible challenges our country is facing, thanks to an inept, liberal administration that's done far more harm than good. Look what America is having to deal with, thanks to nearly six years of Democrat leadership:
Something's got to change, and the coming presidential election is obviously the place to start!
The Democrats have had their chance to affect "change" and they've failed miserably. We need a conservative in the White House who understands business and what it takes to get this country working again so we won't need all this social welfare (which includes much of Obamacare).
We need a bold visionary who sees the world, not through the tired eyes of a lifelong politician, but as a working American - that means a president who believes in a strong defense and not coddling and appeasing every foreign leader who wants to kill us. A man who will support allies such as Israel, instead of endangering them through belittlement and indifference.
I personally think it's time to dump political cronyism as usual and draw upon the talent of the public sector, and for me, I can't think of a better candidate than Donald Trump. Unlike Bush, Cruz, and the others, he's unburdened by party alliances or beholden to others for his success. I've looked at the other guys, and frankly they made me want to puke.
I'm supporting Donald Trump, because the stakes are simply too high to do otherwise.
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Dear Readers,
I received an email from a political organization yesterday wanting me to do some work for them. My proposed duties would involve "mentioning our candidate in a positive light across multiple online venues while diminishing his challengers and their affiliations in a mocking, yet satirical, tone." While I'm not at liberty to name the candidate this organization represents, suffice it to say he's substantial enough to offer me a buttload of money for my help. It's the kind of break every writer dreams of and done right, virtually guarantees a successful and lucrative career.
So I turned it down.
For those of you who wonder why I would turn my back on a five-figure payday when my own company's revenue streams, if there were to be any, are struggling - well, you obviously just don't know me.
Years ago, when I made the decision to embark on a career of delivering news to the public, I did so with a solemn vow to never let outside influences or my personal beliefs flavor this responsibility that I consider sacred. This conviction continues to elevate myself and my organization above many competitors who have surrendered their integrity for the sake of short-term political and/or financial gain.
My assurance to you, loyal readers, is my continuing, unwavering promise to never betray the trust you have so graciously invested in me because for Scooter Van Neuter, success is measured in more than money, and integrity is measured in more than words.
God bless America.
Sincerely,
Scooter Van Neuter
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As many of you know, I have long been concerned with climate change, and have devoted much of my life* to the study of this potential threat to our planet's survival. Here are the results of my study:
I don't give a crap.
*2 hours this afternoon
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Scooter answers reader emails
Q: Almost every "story" (I use the term loosely) is about your stupid girlfriend Sissy. How about writing about something that's actually important to us, like climate change for instance?
SVN: I write about Sissy because everybody likes her (I can't count the number of requests I receive for her photos). Also, Sissy's all but got her GED, so she's hardly stupid.
Q: How come you don't write about topical subjects like the Iranian nuclear deal or global warming? You do know the polar ice caps are dissappearing, don't you?
SVN: I've addressed the Iranian nuclear situation more than once on another website. I'm pretty sure the polar caps are still there but if not, I really don't give a crap.
Q: The more of this shit I read, the more I hate you. Meanwhile, the world is burning up due to manmade greenhouse gasses. Seriously, your writing sucks donkeys.
SVN: Who's making you read it then? Not me. Go read something else because I don't even want you reading it.
Q: Love some of your stuff, but what's the deal with ignoring climate change?
SVN: Quit asking me about that.
Q: Would you say global warming is causing Sissy to sweat more? I bet it is. Maybe you should address it (global warming, not Sissy's sweating).
SVN: What are you, retarded? Stop with the global warming crap. I don't care.
Q: How about something on recycling? Many people don't.
SVN: This is not a bicycle blog and people that ride them look stupid.
Q: I just got back from Hawaii and I'm pretty sure I saw Sissy jumping out of the ocean all over the place. Have you thought about maybe writing about how climate change is warming our oceans? Sissy could help.
SVN: Those were probably whales. Sissy hasn't gone back into the ocean since she got tangled in that net in 2002.
Q: I saw where you finally wrote something about climate change in World News Bureau today, but it was stupid. Please do the subject justice.
SVN: No.
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Click pic, dufus
Click, retard
